It has often been said by men that distance makes the ventures of the heart grow weaker. Free yourself long enough from the embrace of the ones that you love, and soon enough you’ll find that the pulse that reverberated throughout your entire body becomes a dull roar that can no longer be felt in a few days’ time. However, in the case of our nameless subject, it seems as though close proximity is the last thing that you could ever wish to share with him.
He stood there in the break of dawn with lingering pain in his throat – a residue of a night of mindless consumption and debauchery. When he opened his eyes, the blank canvass of the ceiling welcomed him as the darkness looms ever so closely to the ones that are nearing the abyss of death. The bones in his back are starting to ache, quite an anomaly for a man only twenty-seven years of age. This little predicament made it difficult for him to stand up and do the most basic things that a human being needs to survive. To cook would be an absolute nightmare, to press his clothes would be inconceivable. He mustered every bit of strength that was left in his fragile frame and got out of his flimsy bed.
The springs that were underneath his mattress released a meager creak as they adjusted themselves to the transfer of weight from one place to another. And as he felt the cold, hard pavement touch the soles of his feet, he can’t but breathe a sigh of relief as another day is about to start. Another day of pretending, another day of endless toil, another day of mindless staring into empty seats dreaming that at least a single human being can share the warmth of their soul with him.
He got up and slowly walked into the bathroom. The light that is slowly starting to arise from the morning sun has not yet touched the four walls of his apartment, making him stagger around like a stranger in a foreign land. It already was a chore to get to the toilet, and then there is the duty of looking at his face in the mirror. The wrinkles started to form on his forehead, leaving an edible mark on his face that differentiates him from the rest. His teeth, which once were as white as the shirts that he wore, turned into a distasteful yellow that underscores his lack of care for his overall well-being. However, no matter what he saw in the mirror, a sense of hope still lingers in the four corners of his psyche that maybe this day, his life would finally take a turn for the rest. So, with a renewed sense of optimism, he accomplished the task that would get him out of the closed walls of his room, and into the chaotic world outside, where dangers and obscenity lurk from every corner.
He found a dress shirt in his closet – one that he wore in events fitting for celebration – and tried his best to iron the imperfections that arose after not being used for quite some time. In those few minutes, he remembered how hard it was to live on his own. His mother and father never did grow some sort of liking for him. His mother was a workaholic, opting to spend the nights in the office just so that could pay their monthly dues. His father, on the other hand, was always out of the house, and he only came back in the evenings dead tired. Up until now, he never did know what his father did for a living.
Despite being absent for the early years of his development, his father still found a way to put food on the table, one that he was subconsciously thankful for. However, in one of those peculiar moments at night, when every one of his siblings was asleep, he would hear sounds playing in their living room on their small radio. The voices of Karen and Richard Carpenter filled the empty table and unoccupied seats of their home. He would catch glimpses of his mother and father sitting on the ground, with their legs crossed and hands holding a glass half-full of cheap liquor, providing momentary solace from all the demons they are battling within them.
He was the odd one out of all the four siblings – the middle child with no purpose or place. The ones that came before lead successful lives: one’s an agent in a cutting-edge sales firm, ready to gather up his promotion by the end of the year. And then there were his younger siblings, they were twins to be exact. Inseparable since birth, they went on to do amazing things together while still being in the confines of a public school system. They brought honor to this average, middle-class family by bagging numerous medals in both athletics and academics. “The dynamic duo”, as they were usually called. They have a bright future ahead of them; the world is their oyster. It saddened him that even though in such a basic unit of society, such as a family, he can’t even find the acceptance and love that he desperately craves for. He always
He snapped back into the present moment, and he suddenly found himself wearing his full office attire. A ball-point pen was on his desk and it was bent at a weird angle, some smudges of crimson were found in the handle, and it bothered him where it came from. Probably some left-over ketchup spilled over to the pen from the night before, he thought.
The door closed shut behind him as he swung his body from the room to the stairs that were a few feet away from him, and slowly descended the wooden floorings of this measly four-story condominium. The stairs complained as his feet touched its hardwood floor, making a croaking sound that reached the ears of his landlord.
Her eyes peered through the empty hallway as her door slowly opened to greet him as he was about to exit.
“You rent is due for about a month now”, the landowner said. “Just tell me when can I tell the next tenants to move in, okay?”
“But, please, understand ma’am that I’ve just finished paying a friend for the loan that I asked from him. Can you please give me another week?”
She pretended to listen by giving somewhat convincing nods in his direction. With a smile here and a kind remark there, she presented a united front in trying to help him resolve his predicament. However, deep down, she couldn’t care less. To the landowner, he is nothing but another momentary face in the sea of peso signs and blank checks. He is nothing but a means to an end. An end that will, by her calculations, make her rich with nothing but a hefty retirement fund for her and her kids.
The voices started to whisper in his ears once again, words that if heard by others would label him as vile and malicious. It gurgled inside him like a pot of boiling water just waiting to be poured into an empty glass. His nerves tensed up and his hands started to react instinctively to the ballpoint pen in his pocket. A sudden twitch in his neck muscles made his head lean to the side, making it protrude horrifically that the landlord took a step back in shock. He caught himself before falling prey to a sickening feeling that permeates every part of his being, waiting for its opportune time to take over and run wild in the streets.
“It’s okay. Nothing happened.” He thought to himself.
He then quickly straightened himself to his usual stance, give his run-through to make sure all the creases are minimal and apologized to the landlord for his behavior.
“I would get you my rent next week. Please give me this one last chance.”
The landlord, after being stunned for a few seconds, shrugged it off and agreed to his demands.
“Okay, one more week, but I’m going to have you add another ten percent interest for another delay in payment.”
“Thank you.”
And as those two words left his mouth, he walked through the front door of the condominium and breathed in the steady, melancholic breeze of a rainy Wednesday morning.